Today is a brilliant one in celebrity news--Britney has a meltdown, Lindsay gets arrested again, someone decides Drew Carey is as cool as Bob Barker, our pets heads are falling off... it's almost too good to be true. Some thoughts:
-OK! magazine reportedly witnessed a Grade A meltdown at a photo shoot with Britney Spears, and they're printing the juicy details in this Friday's issue. Normally, OK would be the last magazine I would purchase, but I'm going to be all over that thing like white on rice on a paper plate in a snow storm. Part of me thinks that at this point, a Britney meltdown is about as unusual as the sun rising, but it's still so damn enticing.
-In more "that's shocking but not really" news, Lindsay Lohan was arrested AGAIN this morning for driving drunk. She blew a .12 (legal limit is .08) and had cocaine in her pocket. Seriously, Lindsay? Are you seriously that retarded?? I know you and Paris don't really chill anymore, but you do know that she went to jail, right? At least she was just drunk and did it once--you had coke and did it twice. Good luck with that slippery soap, toots.
-Drew Carey is apparently taking over "The Price is Right" from Bob Barker. If you asked me who the best person to replace jolly ol' Bob would be, Carey would be at the bottom of the list, right after Kim Jong Il or my elbow. I just have zero interest in watching the guy. He hasn't been funny since that five seconds in like 1993.
And just so that this entry has at least a smidge of intelligence, here are some thoughts on last night's Democratic presidential debate on CNN:
-In one of his "I'm cooler than you because I've been there" moments, Sen. Joe Biden told a story about going to Iraq and getting shot at. Look, Biden, how many times do I have to tell you--you are NOT 50 Cent. Rappin about bullets flying is not going to help you win street cred in this election . Mostly because you're an old white guy.
-Who knew Mike Gravel was such a sassypants? That guy's old enough to remember when the sandwich was invented, but he's still got a great self-deprecating wit. He's also kind of a basket case, though; one second he's laughing about not being popular and the next he's foaming at the mouth, saying soldiers died in vain. Yowza.
-If John Edwards wants everyone else to stop talking about his $400 haircut, he's going to have to lead the way. I had forgiven him about 30 seconds after the story broke, but then he keeps bringing it up in every commercial and e-mail. "Focus on the issues and not on my hair," he says. You're my favorite, Johnny, but you're going to have to be the first to shut up about it.
That's it for now, homies. But as long as famous people keep acting like morons, I'll be back soon.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Looking for your wang?
Los Angeles is the worst place in the world to be a male. Normally, I would say it’s the worst place to be any human being, but today I’m going to just look at the poor dudes who live here.
Maybe it’s because I was born and raised in a place where “men” go camping, bail hay, play sports and have rifles. By that definition, the males in southern California are some of the least manly men you could imagine. I’m not advocating being a hick or a caveman—the most attractive thing is to just do what is traditionally manly and distinguishes you from women. Do you want to be a man, or do you want to be a gal pal?
Guys here routinely go shopping, get facials or mani-pedis and, the saddest of all, walk tiny teacup dogs in public. I can’t imagine anything more emasculating than being seen with a dog that’s the same size as the football that's collecting dust in the back of your closet. I know that the “metrosexual” movement has been around for awhile, but that’s always been questionable in my mind. Is it natural for a guy to care about his hair that much?
Now, it’s not that these guys choose to do such pansy things—rather, they’re victims. I blame this glamtastic town and the bimbos (both male and female) who inhabit it. I don’t know how or when it happened; but somehow, guys have been socialized not to hammer up drywall, be athletic and wear jeans, but rather to put goo in their hair, pop their collars and use makeup. Makeup is for girls and circus clowns only!
It’s like the habits of LA’s overly-tanned, platinum blonde chicks somehow rubbed off on all the guys, or they just got the guys trained really well. When LA girls see a man with strong arms, they don’t think of him carrying a woman off to the bedroom; they see him being able to carry all the bags when they go shopping that weekend.
There are certain duties that a man has, but chivalry—opening doors and getting the check—is different from being your bitch. (On the other end, of course, is chauvinism, which I’m definitely not advocating. Men can set themselves apart from women without reverting to misogynist douchebags.)
So, men and women of Los Angeles—nay, men and women of the WORLD— let’s try to get back to basics. Guys, don’t fight the natural urges you have to start bar fights and own big dogs and lift heavy things. Girls, you can invest as much time as you want into obsessing over your bimbo self and doing girly things, just don’t bring your man down with you.
Maybe it’s because I was born and raised in a place where “men” go camping, bail hay, play sports and have rifles. By that definition, the males in southern California are some of the least manly men you could imagine. I’m not advocating being a hick or a caveman—the most attractive thing is to just do what is traditionally manly and distinguishes you from women. Do you want to be a man, or do you want to be a gal pal?
Guys here routinely go shopping, get facials or mani-pedis and, the saddest of all, walk tiny teacup dogs in public. I can’t imagine anything more emasculating than being seen with a dog that’s the same size as the football that's collecting dust in the back of your closet. I know that the “metrosexual” movement has been around for awhile, but that’s always been questionable in my mind. Is it natural for a guy to care about his hair that much?
Now, it’s not that these guys choose to do such pansy things—rather, they’re victims. I blame this glamtastic town and the bimbos (both male and female) who inhabit it. I don’t know how or when it happened; but somehow, guys have been socialized not to hammer up drywall, be athletic and wear jeans, but rather to put goo in their hair, pop their collars and use makeup. Makeup is for girls and circus clowns only!
It’s like the habits of LA’s overly-tanned, platinum blonde chicks somehow rubbed off on all the guys, or they just got the guys trained really well. When LA girls see a man with strong arms, they don’t think of him carrying a woman off to the bedroom; they see him being able to carry all the bags when they go shopping that weekend.
There are certain duties that a man has, but chivalry—opening doors and getting the check—is different from being your bitch. (On the other end, of course, is chauvinism, which I’m definitely not advocating. Men can set themselves apart from women without reverting to misogynist douchebags.)
So, men and women of Los Angeles—nay, men and women of the WORLD— let’s try to get back to basics. Guys, don’t fight the natural urges you have to start bar fights and own big dogs and lift heavy things. Girls, you can invest as much time as you want into obsessing over your bimbo self and doing girly things, just don’t bring your man down with you.
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