Panty Party Goes Awry

Macrida Patterson, what was your cornea doing so close to your G-string? Underwear does not go on your head.

Patterson recently filed a products liability suit against Victoria's Secret because she allegedly suffered permanent injuries while putting on one of their V-strings (it's a G-string that you buy at VS). The most ludicrous part is that she filed an unlimited civil case, meaning she is seeking damages in excess of $25,000.

But she's not seeking punitive damages, so that $25,000+ is all compensatory. That's a pretty hefty bill for a poke in the eye.

Based on 30-seconds of Internet research, I would estimate that an ER visit, including doctors and nurses fee, some serious meds (like Morphine) for the pain, lab tests and maybe a visit to Radiology just for good measure, will set you back about $4,000 to $5,000.

As for wage losses, that couldn't be more than another $3,000 to $4,000 -- and that's assuming the L.A. DOT employee was out of work for weeks after this tragedy. So Patterson is seeking $16,000 to $18,000 in "general damages", which hopefully covers treatment for her general stupidity.

I can only imagine how a metal staple managed to fly off of a thong and hit someone in the eye. My best guess is that Patterson may have tried to squeeze into a pair that was too small. Unfortunately, the court may find this was reasonably foreseeable on the part of VS. We girls have been trying to squeeze into the next size down for years. If that is the case, VS could potentially be liable for negligence (in a totally ridiculous way).

We can only hope that the court recognizes how absurd this suit is, and that the judge laughs in Patterson's permanently-injured face.