Celeb-apalooza!

Today is a brilliant one in celebrity news--Britney has a meltdown, Lindsay gets arrested again, someone decides Drew Carey is as cool as Bob Barker, our pets heads are falling off... it's almost too good to be true. Some thoughts:

-OK! magazine reportedly witnessed a Grade A meltdown at a photo shoot with Britney Spears, and they're printing the juicy details in this Friday's issue. Normally, OK would be the last magazine I would purchase, but I'm going to be all over that thing like white on rice on a paper plate in a snow storm. Part of me thinks that at this point, a Britney meltdown is about as unusual as the sun rising, but it's still so damn enticing.

-In more "that's shocking but not really" news, Lindsay Lohan was arrested AGAIN this morning for driving drunk. She blew a .12 (legal limit is .08) and had cocaine in her pocket. Seriously, Lindsay? Are you seriously that retarded?? I know you and Paris don't really chill anymore, but you do know that she went to jail, right? At least she was just drunk and did it once--you had coke and did it twice. Good luck with that slippery soap, toots.

-Drew Carey is apparently taking over "The Price is Right" from Bob Barker. If you asked me who the best person to replace jolly ol' Bob would be, Carey would be at the bottom of the list, right after Kim Jong Il or my elbow. I just have zero interest in watching the guy. He hasn't been funny since that five seconds in like 1993.

And just so that this entry has at least a smidge of intelligence, here are some thoughts on last night's Democratic presidential debate on CNN:

-In one of his "I'm cooler than you because I've been there" moments, Sen. Joe Biden told a story about going to Iraq and getting shot at. Look, Biden, how many times do I have to tell you--you are NOT 50 Cent. Rappin about bullets flying is not going to help you win street cred in this election . Mostly because you're an old white guy.

-Who knew Mike Gravel was such a sassypants? That guy's old enough to remember when the sandwich was invented, but he's still got a great self-deprecating wit. He's also kind of a basket case, though; one second he's laughing about not being popular and the next he's foaming at the mouth, saying soldiers died in vain. Yowza.

-If John Edwards wants everyone else to stop talking about his $400 haircut, he's going to have to lead the way. I had forgiven him about 30 seconds after the story broke, but then he keeps bringing it up in every commercial and e-mail. "Focus on the issues and not on my hair," he says. You're my favorite, Johnny, but you're going to have to be the first to shut up about it.

That's it for now, homies. But as long as famous people keep acting like morons, I'll be back soon.